Purpose

Its all about where. And what you should be doing. An existential crisis in progress. The pertinent question being how do u know?i feel like i have been pushing a square peg in a round hole for quite some time but i wonder if i am not exchanging my square peg for a triangle. Very disconcerting.

Making Money

So tired of this particular subject. I am not very good at it.  However, it occurs to me that I am NOT doing what I love, nowhere near. I am a worker bee who somehow doesn’t rate the pay that I would or anyone else would expect. I want to stop and move to what I DO love and hope to make some money at it.  I feel very tentative toward a lot of folks right now and I wonder where I fit in…. That is the problem I don’t fit in.

Who are you really?

Saw my picture today and didn’t recognize myself. There was definitely a middle aged woman looking out at the world in the picture a bit frayed a bit faded. Washed out is how i felt okay that person cannot be me. And i realize while my inside has never matched my outside the divide is getting deeper and wider

Preconceived Notions

Not for the first time I endured a certain someone’s  preconceived notion about “someone my age”.  And what is entirely funny is that I am not that old, at least not in my own mind.  I feel like I am waving at her behind a sheet of glass that divides who I am from who she assumes I am.  Her notion of my “role” is as astoundingly insulting as it is erronious but when I consider it all, its not really worth trying to change.  No need for the drama it would entail so allow myself to be “handled”.  But what is the underlying question for me, and the reason I bring it up is how I may be doing this to others.